ATLmalcontent

"I can't believe we're paying for something we get for free"

The reviews are in for the new "Simpsons" movie -- pretty tepid, but not bad, kind of like the last five seasons. I'll see it, in spite of Ian Maxtone-Graham's involvement.

IMG is a longtime writer and producer, instrumental in steering the show away from clever satire into silly pop culture references and sight gags. He's your villain, the anti-John Swartzwelder (responsible for many of the show's early highlights). If you're watching an episode and Lisa is humorlessly droning on about Buddhism or the environment, you've been Maxtone-Grahamed, baby! It's not pleasant.

I met his girlfriend once, right about the time when IMG joined the staff. I was eager to meet him, even though his girlfriend was a humorless turd. Didn't make sense then -- does now.

When he joined "The Simpsons" staff in 1998, Maxtone-Graham said he had never watched the show before being hired to write for it. He must've been boning up on Rob Schneider movies instead; his contributions are typically just as lame. 

I propose we exile him to Shelbyville, or at least demote him to a staff writer for the Bumblee Man's show. 

Atheist seeks atheist

One wonders: does Richard Dawkins offer a free compatability test?

Two beautiful words: de-lete!

Somewhere in there (hideous link removed to protect author's reputation), amid all the grandstanding, I must have had a point. Perhaps it was worth making, but not within that rambling mess. Lesson learned: stop forcing it. Most days I'm prolific, but too much shit going on this week. As always, I'll keep the minor personal problems to myself. Or would you prefer something whiny and self-absorbed?

Better to say nothing, search for a classic "Simpsons" clip and/or poke fun at someone professionally whiny and self-absorbed. 

My apologies to those who waded through that serving of rhetorical dung, from which there's but one item worth recycling: the video I initially intended to highlight. Warning to the queasy: three people die, and their expirations are way more gruesome than, say, Saddam's execution.

Leave it to Islamic radicals to discover a more torturous method for hanging. Instead of the familiar rapid plunge through a gallows, their technique allows for more suffering; the ascent is slow, and the struggle is pronounced. This ain't justice -- it's a snuff film. But it's instructive nonetheless, illustrating how fundamentalist regimes use (not exploit, since they really seem to believe it) "divinely-inspired" brutality to maintain order and forward agendas.

Notice the witnesses singing praises to Allah as the executed endure their final excruciating moments. And I presume the alleged killers forfeited those eager 72 virgins waiting in paradise (considering how sexist that part of the world tends to be, I doubt the woman ever had a chance at 72 horny hunks).

Faithful or not, it can't be easy appeasing such a vengeful deity -- angry God ... always wanting more.

--CB

 

See me, feel me, touch me, heal me

Fans of truly overwrought poetry, rejoice. I dare you to finish them all.

Boycott the Braves

And "Ebert & Roeper." Just say no to "Meet the Press." Catsup -- and ketchup, via Heinz, are also out. And forget about satellite radio: XM and Sirius are both on the boycott list.

So orders the Web site boycottliberalism.com. Why the Braves? The site claims they're owned by Ted Turner. If only. Ted lost a majority share in the team more than a decade ago, and these days has absolutely no involvement, financial or otherwise.

The site us also urging a boycott of "The Simpsons" movie and virtually every other flick released this year. When did conservatives abandon the free market?

Unfortunately placed ads

Enjoy some more here

Please patronize me

Damn I despise the petty queer establishment; GLAAD (the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Diversity) gave a hearty thumbs-up to "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry," despite the film's critical drubbing:

Racism, sexism and giddy, full-blown homophobia come out to party like it's 1899 in the shockingly clueless, grossly cynical and unabashedly stupid "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry," an Adam Sandler comedy that wants you to believe it's about tolerance while getting major kicks ridiculing homosexuality.

Of course GLAAD endorses stereotype as long as it comes with a patronizing, tacked-on message of acceptance. I smell a payoff.

This is a big-budget, studio film with Adam Sandler that runs true to his comedic style. His comedies have tremendous appeal to a broad audience. This is a film that will be enjoyed by Adam Sandler fans, and it's a comedy that sends a message to this audience about the importance of family, marriage equality, and about treating others, gay or straight, with dignity and respect.

The fact is, comedy has a unique way of opening people's eyes and helping them connect to simple truths. And part of what makes "Chuck & Larry" interesting is the way it could help straight audiences understand the experiences of gay couples and question how anyone could continue to support laws that put them in harm’s way.

Classic publicist-speak, consistent with the PQE. Regrettably, most gay people don't mind being stereotyped by the straight media. They embrace it. They live it. They're as pathetic as your typical Adam Sandler movie.

Keep shucking and jiving, my gay brothers and sisters. And for Christ's sake, don't ever flirt with individuality, lest you be tossed out of the club.

We owe him

Michael Vick, that is -- click here for more information.

Today's must-read

Self-absorption reaches new heights -- from a familiar source.

Heil Cruise!

The world's most famous Scientologist looks mighty comfortable in a Nazi uniform.