ATLmalcontent

James Dobson has a hissy fit

The country's most influential Christian conservative isn't happy with the GOP field. Somewhere, Hillary's attempting to crack a smile.

Ted Turner unplugged

Before he was a "man of peace," Ted Turner was an unrepentant, misogynistic asshole. I prefer the latter.

Cartmania

Enjoy parts I, II, III, IV, V and VI, highlighting TV's best character.   

"Huge piles of redundant protoplasm"

George Carlin goes off on interchangeable parts: fat people and malls. 

Separated at birth

I doubt the creative forces behind "Election" intended to make a parable about the Hillary Clinton candidacy, but they succeeded nonetheless.

Disingenuous Republicans

Republicans claim to love the military, but they aren't crazy about people who actually served. The GOP's most prominent outcasts include vets Colin Powell and Chuck Hagel. And of course, despite some regrettable groveling, there's John McCain.

Most Republicans hate him. I can't figure out why. Surely McCain-Feingold isn't reason enough. Maybe it's because he doesn't follow the Hannity/Limbaugh wing of the party lockstep, speaking out against torture and Guantanamo. 

Name another Republican who could run an ad like this. Hell, name another prominent Republican who ever sacrificed for their country.

Doesn't matter. McCain's going to lose to Napoleon (er, Giuliani), Fred Thompson (imbued with the intellectual curiosity of George W.) or Romney (who makes Bill Clinton look like Daniel Patrick Moynihan). He's already lost to Bush, a miscalculation that will cost the GOP for decades.

The Republicans have become caricatures and they don't seem the least bit aware. Their loss, and it's going to be a big one. 

(Note to freethinkers: you're not wanted in the GOP.)

(Note to Republican partisans: I've been plenty critical of the Democrats, so spare me your outrage.)

Maybe I should chronicle my bathroom habits

What's with you people? Malcontent readership has shrunk, and I'm miffed. Maybe I should just blog about "American Idol" and be done with it.

Or maybe I should start being predictable, a bombthrower content with choosing a side and sticking with it, logic be damned. Not that I'm a symbol, but it's depressing how many people seem content with their rigid ideologies.

Can't help you there. Might I suggest Kos or Hewitt? And then there's Diane ...

Doublespeak du jour

Ever notice how no one really apologizes anymore? Especially if they're a public figure.

While it might be a stretch to call a soccer player a public figure, U.S. goalie Hope Solo is the latest to play the "taken out of context" card. She must've been following the O'Reilly saga.

Solo threw her teammate under a convoy of Mack Trucks after being replaced as the starter. Now she says her comments were misunderstood.

"There's no doubt in my mind I would have made those saves," Solo said. "You have to live in the present. And you can't live by big names. You can't live in the past."

Apparently there's different ways to read those remarks:

"Although I stand strong in everything I said, the true disheartening moment for me was realizing it could look as though I was taking a direct shot at my own teammate," Solo said, according to the Web site. "I would never throw such a low blow. Never."

"I only wanted to speak of my own abilities yet also recognize that the past is the past. Things were taken out of context, or analyzed differently from my true meaning of my own words," she said, according to the Web site.

Don't take this out of context, but Solo is unquestionably the week's biggest twat.

"I'm just not that good as this selling yourself stuff"

Classic films/classic scenes:

Bob Mapplethorpe makes his pitch in "Bottle Rocket" -- I never thought Owen Wilson would go on to appear in such crap as "You, Me and Dupree." Maybe that's why he's so depressed.

Great moments in overacting

The Malcontent embarks on a new series spotlighting filmdom's worst hams. The list would be incomplete without Al Pacino, who merits two entries:

"If I were the man I was five years ago, I'd take a flamethrower to this place!" Pacino inexplicably received an Oscar for his performance in "Scent of a Woman." You may remember his acceptance speech, which he concluded by biting the head off the statue.

Satan doesn't need to advertise, but that doesn't stop Pacino from camping it up in "The Devil's Advocate." Hard to say whose Southern accent was less convincing: Pacino in "Scent of a Woman" or Keanu Reeves in "The Devil's Advocate."