“You have to look at why sex was created,” Eric Love, the director of the East Texas Abstinence Program, which runs Virginity Rules, said one day, the sounds of Christian contemporary music humming faintly in his Longview office. “Sex was designed to bond two people together.”
To make the point, Mr. Love grabbed a tape dispenser and snapped off two fresh pieces. He slapped them to his filing cabinet and the floor; they trapped dirt, lint, a small metal bolt. “Now when it comes time for them to get married, the marriage pulls apart so easily,” he said, trying to unite the grimy strips. “Why? Because they gave the stickiness away.”
I'm not sure why I'm gay. Born that way, I assume, but perhaps other factors contributed. Maybe my orientation has someting to do with early successes courting, seducing and -- eventually -- molesting girls.
Now don't get carried away -- I was but a child myself when I first mastered anal penetration. And no, it wasn't with my prepubescent tallywacker, but with a crayon. I was always one for accuracy, even back then. As you likely recall, thermometers are administered rectally up until a certain age. So, when playing doctor, I insisted on inserting the crayons as if they were actual thermometers. If you had a fever, you got a red one. If not, blue.
Crayons had always served me well. I'd sit up at night meticulously crushing my gold, silver and copper crayons into a fine dust. On the playground, I'd offer girls "gold" (if I really fancied them), "silver" (if I was marginally interested) and "copper" (if I felt sorry for them). It worked quite well.
As did my stint as a doctor. Don't misunderstand -- there were no prurient thrills involved. Those came when my playmate and I discovered her mother's stack of Playgirls. I was much too young to feel so inadequate.
Eventually her mother busted my makeshift examination room. My doctor days were over, a young boy's dreams crushed. I could've been somebody -- I could've had money. And a stable of girls. Instead, I'm just a lowly gay writer with crayons on the brain. And not as many regrets as I should have.
There is no lesson here, though parents might want to think twice before buying their sons a pack of Crayolas.
Bush's former global AIDS czar, one of the leading proponents of abstinence-based sex education, resigned Friday fter admitting he was in a D.C. madam's little black book. Guess he'll have to turn in his blue ribbon (the symbol of the "true love waits" crowd).