ATLmalcontent

i hope she brought a good book

Only in Kansas:

Authorities are considering charges in the bizarre case of a woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years -- so long that her body was stuck to the seat by the time the boyfriend finally called police.

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

A neighbor said "it really didn't surprise him." The Heartland must have a high standard for the bizarre.

american gangster meets aunt pittypat

Snoop from "The Wire" visited the Margaret Mitchell House in Atlanta last week. Fortunately, Frogtown correspondent Markie Post (aka Candice Dyer) was there:

It was one of those Old South/New South moments that characterize Atlanta.

"This is not our usual crowd," observed one of the bemused Margaret Mitchell House volunteers, as she surveyed the clusters of ghettofabulous young black men and women, corruscated with bling and fringed with hair extensions. The MM House has a core of genteel, "Old Atlanta" bluehairs who show up for every event in honor of "Peggy," and even when prominent African-American authors read, the audience consists mostly of earnest white liberals like me.

Tonight's crunk crowd had turned out for Felicia "Snoop" Pearson, who was promoting her memoir, "Grace After Midnight." Coincidentally, its opening sentence is very similar to that of James Brown's autobiography. Both were, for all practical purposes, "born dead," but neither ever asked for pity.

Snoop, a crack baby who weighed in at three pounds at birth, served time for murder before landing her role on "The Wire" as a stealthy, brutal, and butch gangbanger. (Pearson's refreshingly unapologetic lesbianism is one of the most indelible -- and intimidating -- arguments for the "they're born that way" thesis that I've ever encountered.) The emcee who introduced her at the Mitchell House pointed out, "Our guest has never read 'Gone With the Wind,' but she has gotten an education tonight on our tour." Knowing snickers all around. Snoop then fielded questions, including, "Yo, you still slingin'?" Not a query that has, so far, confronted Pat Conroy at this venue.

When I approached her for an autograph (to be inscribed next to the Margaret Mitchell imprimatur), I wrote on the Post-It note, "Your biggest redneck cracker fan." This amused Snoop, and she inscribed it as such. I told her it would "help my street cred in Appalachia." Her handler grimaced and said, "Lord, chile, you serious?" Then I told Snoop to keep up the good work. She looked up at me with those beagle-like eyes and said, "Say a prayer for me." And I did.

Peace out, Snoop.

more men who look like old lesbians

(plenty more)

in other news, bars ordered to ban drunks

Mississippi legislators this week introduced a bill that would make it illegal for state-licensed restaurants to serve obese patrons.

Two Girls, One Very Disgusted Grandma

I have not watched the infamous "Two Girls, One Cup" video. I won't link it, nor will I even tell you what it's about (on the off chance that some of you are in the dark). I don't want to be scarred for life, and I wouldn't wish that on any Malcontenters.

If forced to watch it, my reaction would likely mirror this one, though I wouldn't have hung in so long. What kind of demented soul shows such a thing to their grandmother? (Admittedly, it's worth a good laugh.)

Giving the People What They Want

One more famous male who looks like an old lesbian -- that is, if you consider alleged comedian Bruce Vilanch famous.

(visit the very funny site here)

*And before you curse me for ruining your Monday with Vilanch's mug, be grateful that I didn't locate a shirtless shot. Or worse.

Famous Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians

Newt Gingrich, director Wes Anderson and onetime sex symbol Kyle McLachlan aren't alone. 

(via Andrew Sullivan)

The Gods Must Be Crazy

Apparently they've chosen a very large man with a butt cut nicknamed "Bunky" to spread their message:

Elwood "Bunky" Bartlett holds one of four winning tickets for the Mega Millions lottery. "Bunky" credits his study of Wicca and his practice of Reiki (RAY'kee) healing for his good luck. He bought the winning ticket on his way to a New Age bookstore. ...

Bartlett stated that he had made a deal with the multiple god's associated with his Wiccan beliefs, and firmly believes that is why he won.

"You let me win the lottery and I'll teach." he said

I'm pretty sure I attended Film School with this guy.

He'll probably get his own reality show

Shouting, "This is YouTube material!" a 27-year-old British man urinated on a dying woman who had collapsed on the street, the BBC and local Hartepool Mail and Northern Echo tell us. He also doused her with a bucket of water and covered her with shaving cream.

The woman, 50-year-old Christine Lakinski, died at the scene of pancreatic failure.

In a sad sign of the times, it was all recorded on a mobile phone. ...

He faces jail after pleading guilty to "outraging public decency." Sentencing is set for Oct. 22.

Here's wishing his cellmate is into watersports -- giving, not receiving. And hopefully he won't take no for an answer.  

Aargh, matey!

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!